Holiday Emotions

it feels like the closer Christmas gets here the more im starting 2 feel crappy...

i remember when i was growing up, how my dad was always such a grump when the holidays were coming around and i remember my parents ALWAYS fighting and ruining the holidays..i never want 2 b like them (i thought)

but here i am, down in the dumps, i feel like the Grinch! (i think) y is every1 so excited, i don't get it...i just want it 2 hurry up and b over with, so we can start saving $ again, and O boy, (sarcastic) more toys for the kids 2 fight over and break!

ok so let me b honest, I'm pissed off @ my family @ the moment, i don't understand y they choose 2 keep their distance from me, me and my sister Jen used 2 talk all the time, i mean every single day for hours @ a time, and now its a text message here and there, just when she needs 2 blow up really fast about her husband or something in her life.. and Amy used 2 b my favorite sister when i was younger, shes the reason i am with my Bryan, i spent every weekend with her and now she doesn't care 2 call OR TEXT me, EVER! i get random calls from her once in a looooong while, her drunk and complaining about her life, then i don't hear from her for a long time after that. and punky, shes so in her own world, its like none of us exists, i try 2 make an effort with her, but she never makes 1 back, I'm tired of being the one who tries, and then my feelings get hurt, and 4 what?!

every since my dad died, its like no1 cares about our family anymore, its so weird, and i miss them A LOT! its just not fair! and the more i think about it the more i get mad about it. 

OK and so I've written, about my mother in law, and how i don't like the women, but she HAS always been there when i needed her, more then my own mother has, and shes always there 2 help us if we need it. and every Christmas, a couple days b4 Christmas,  we go out 4 a cpl drinks after Christmas shopping, lots of fun and my kids get cool gifts cuz i always pick them :) but this year she calls 2 tell me, that we wont in fact be doing it this year because shes gonna b doing something with Byran's stupid sister Donna, i guarantee Donna made it so me and Theresa could not make our date, me and Donna have this "thing" where we don't like MOM hanging out with the other 1, and o man do i wish i had a normal sister in law, i WANT the hanging out, shopping, holiday cooking sister in law, but all i ended up with was a stupid, pathetic story 4 a person, i mean seriously she gets on my nerves, and i HATE the thought of being near her. i speak my mind and 4 Bryan's sake i keep my mouth shut when it comes 2 her, verrrry hard 2 do but i force myself 2 do it! UGH but anyways the whole thing just pisses me off that much more, i wanted 2 go shopping with mom...and now I've got no family and stupid holdays, trust me i force myself 2 decorate, i force myself 2 do Christmas things with the kids cuz its not there fault mommy's feeling like crap. 

i kinda get it now, i get y my dad hated the holidays..isn't it amazing how u learn things the older u get..or how u understand things you never thought ud EVER understand...if i could go back 2 the stupid kid i was and know everything i know now, life would have been sooo different. i love  my husband and kids, but LIFE could have been so different..

ba-hum-bug! 

Naughty OR Nice

Seriously, y isnt there really a Santa, i think we could use some 1 else 2 swoop in and buy these lil monsters a bunch of gifts....but O NO, daddy has 2 bust his ass so mommy can blow it all on toys they kinda don't need, i keep looking @ all of the toys they have JUST SITTING THERE and i keep wanting 2 get rid of them, but the moment i start going thru them, i c the gift gamma bought them a couple years ago, the thing my dad (who passed away) gave them rite b4 he left, and i hear myself say, "but they love this 1" (even though i haven't seen them touch it in FOREVER!) when did i become a toy hoarder?! i used 2 be able 2 just pic up a toy and toss is, "o ur gonna fight over this" (toss it) "o ur not gonna share?" (toss it) "o u wanna fight with mommy about it b4 bed?" (toss it) and now things r just 2 sentimental...WTF? i wanna get rid of the clutter and the crap, i REALLY do, but Y cant i?  

then again if there was a Santa would my kids even get gifts?? or would they b considered Naughty? trust me im told ALL the time i have "GREAT" kids but some times i wonder, r they really that great?! haha 

(Emily example) 

UGH sometimes i wonder why Emily doesn't communicate like the other kids her age, she acts like she doesn't know how 2 talk well, i ask a question and her automatic response is "well ummmm, because" and i have 2 tell her "BECAUSE is NOT an answer" o man that drives me crazy! or Monday she comes home and tells me "i HAVE 2 wear yellow Friday" ...OK?! then i ask "why" and she says "well ummmm, because, i don't know" so Friday comes and i dress her all cute in yellow and @ 1:35 i get a text from my friend Katie whose emmas best friends mom (same class) shes asking me if im coming...i text bak "4 what?" and she says the kids r doing a concert @ 1:40.....uh r u freaking kidding me?? y didn't Emily tell me that they were gonna sing? now I look like a shitty mom, i got text left and right about y i missed it....SMH but honestly Emily's a really good girl, besides her lack of communication shes NOT a bad girl, she'd totally b on Santa's NICE list

(Kayla example) 

yesterday me and the hubby were sitting on our laptops on the couch and i hear the kids talking upstairs in the playroom, @ 1st im LOL cuz it sounds so funny then i hear Nathan say, "DON'T DO THAT" and i hear Kayla "but Julia always steals our toys, and she breaks our train tracks and she steals our babies" and Nathan and Emily r agreeing with her (like shes protesting), then she yells "that's why we don't like Julia" and THAT set me off, i went up stairs pissed and ready 2 send Kayla 2 her room (they have no toys in there room) but when i get up there i  find Julia locked in the tent playing with her toys (they turned it 2 face the wall so she "cant get out!!" o i raised hell, i was screaming @ every single 1 of them, then i notice Julia's got a scratch across her face and her nose is bleeding (ugh y didn't she cry?) and i ask "what happened" as i scream "BRYAN!!" he comes running upstairs and i ask Nathan (the rat) what happened 2 Julia's face, and he tells me "Kayla smacked her in the face with my dinosaur" ...i told Bryan 2 handle it cuz i wanted 2 pull a Homer Simpson and strangle her  i cant believe she would b THAT mean 2 my baby! ugh THAT is so a reason Santa wouldn't bring her gifts!

(Nathan example)

O my son Nathan, boys r sooo weird and so gross! the last couple lunch times and im starting 2 think it might just b Kayla whose obviously the instigator, Nathan has thrown his food @ Kayla, and i have no idea y! he throws his bowl on the floor, or his sandwich goes flying across the room @ Kayla and hits the wall, chips on the floor, juice in Kayla's hair! (r u freaking kidding me?) and then he gets sent 2 his room, nap time with NO LUNCH, but i wonder if hes the problem here, besides Nathan throwing (literally throwing stuff) hes a good boy, i feel bad for him because i tell him 2 suck it up allot, (hes a major crybaby) and my motto is "IF YOUR NOT BLEEDING OR YOUR NOT GOING 2 DIE, THEN I DON'T CARE", so now when he wants 2 cry he gets this huge cheeseburger grin on his face and runs and hides (maybe im doing this wrong?) anyways i think he'd be on Santa's NICE list 2  ..

Julias still 2 little, she can do NO wrong as far as mommy is concerned! haha

SO again i ask r THEY good kids LOL 

2011

Jan of 2011 we moved into a huge house far, far away from brys family :) i looove our lil town we live in, everything is so close and every1 seems so friendly. 

Our new house

In Jan we also celebrated Kaylas 4th birthday

"February" 

Valentines Day, every year i make the kids their own lil buckets or baskets, i loove making the kids fun stuff like this

Julia also got super sick this month, the worst feeling in the world in 2 c ur baby so sick and theirs nothing you can do about it, she had double pneumonia, double ear infection and RSV, they told me had i waited any longer she could have died in her sleep...talking about feeling like a shitty mom, i knew she was sick but i thought she JUST had a cold, but the moment i realized she was having breathing problems i took her in..my poor angel

ugh it was sooo heart breaking 2 c her this sick, and 2 top it off, they put the IV on the hand that she sucked her fingers, she was so sad she couldn't suck them.

she got 2 come home a week later, i never once left her, i stayed by her side the whole time, i didnt even get 2 c the other 2 the whole week, i was so miserable, i missed my babies...but it was so nice 2 have all 4 of my babies healthy and home 2gether

"March"
we had my uncle pokey, his wife and their 4 kids come move in with us, he needed a job and my husband was so awesome 2 get him 1, so they came 2 move out 2 AZ

(nate had a buddy)

it was so crazy 2 have more people in our house, @ 1st i didnt mind but 2 mths went by, we thought theyd have their own house by then, but NOPE 2 lazy 2 look, i guess u NEVER really know people until they live with u, i saw a different side of these people, especially his wife..ugh that women!  Sometime i hate that me and bry have such big hearts, we wanna help every1 but every time we do, some how we get screwed.

Also in March Michael (my godson) turned 1!

and we asked david and annice 2 be julias godparents

"April"
Easter, i make their Easter baskets 2, i make myself pretty proud sometimes :)

we also got our house back, pokey and his family moved out

"May"
Mothers Day and the Kids' dedication
(boy did i get spoiled that day)

 David and Annice became Julias Godparents

Also in May Emily Graduated Kindergarten

that was a hard day 4 me 2 get thru without crying, i can not believe how old my baby is getting, its so weird 2 think that shes gonna keep getting bigger

Julia ended up in the hospital again with pneumonia,  double ear infection, double pink eye and slight RSV, my poor baby, i was so worried that EVERYTIME she got a cold, we would end up in the hospital. i think this is y i am so attached 2 this lil baby, ive been told 4 times in her life, 1 in the womb that she wasnt supposed 2 have made it..my miracle baby

 "June"
Julia Started crawling, and she followed the kids every where!

Also in June, me and Bry went on a company Vacation

Our Group of friends we stuck 2 

Fathers Day
we made him a card and the kids insisted i put a mustache on it, because daddy has 1! haha

 coupons i made, and had the kids say 1 thing they would do 4 daddy

and he got a new phone

"July"
4th of July Craziness

(julia and Baby scott)

 makayla and my kidos

fireworks!

"August"


Emily started 1st grade :(

 we bought our 1st house!

the kids r getting so big

 Emily Turned 6!

"October"


me and nathan went 2 cali., for a visit and for my cousins 1st babys shower
Nates 1st time meeting Eli(left), and second time seeing his cousin kiedis (middle) and auntie Punky made him that cape!

 this was the 1st time ever having all 3 of the grandsons 2gether

 My cousin Kitty, it was her shower we went 2 cali 4

 me and my 2 cousins, were all the same age and this was the 1st time we ever hung out @ adults!

Nate turned 3!

 and got his 1st kiss!!

 i turned 25! dont i look older, god knows i feel it!! haha

 Halloween

"November"


Emily Started Girl Scouts

Julia started standing

 we had our 7 year anniversary

 Julia turned 1!

Ok so this next picture comes with a story, i woke up early this morning in November, and i had gum in my hair! it was 5am, i woke up 2 go potty :) and ran my fingers thru my hair, noticed the gum and grabbed scissors, cut my hair and went back 2 bed, i dont function well in the morning haha, so later in the day when Bryan came home, it was naptime and me and the hubby we totally makin out on the couch, YES we still make out! haha and i pulled his shirt off, sorry 4 the TMI but i swear its an impotant part, cuz when i got his shirt off i realized he had GUM all over his chest, and BAM i remembered the damn gum and the haircut, (i had already clipped my bangs after i cut it, i totally 4got) needless 2 say bryan went 2 bed with gum in his mouth, and im talking a dime piece of gum and it ended up EVERYWHERE, my hair, on the bed, his chest hair and even his under arm hair!! i yelled @ him "you son of'a bitch!" i showed him my hair and we were both laughing as were trying 2 get the webbed gum off of him! so here i am later that day...

 also in november we had thanksgiving/ julias get 2gether

My mom, and my sisters came out

 my grandma came 2, her 1st time meeting Julia, and here we r 4 generations

 my gorgeous 1 year old! and those adidas have been passed down from my niece kaiti, i bought these 4 her when she was newborn a whole 10 years ago and every 1 of my kids have used them!

"December"

My sister jen bought us a christmas tree

we made these (found the print out on my newest addiction...PINTEREST)

and
Celebrated Bryans 32nd Birthday

ok so i know that my blogs went from totally interesting stories 2 month by month pix, but i kinda wanna get this part over with so i can start blogging about everything else :) yay so here we r still in December of 2011 and 9 days from Christmas..next blog? 2 b determined